Opinions of these lyrics please?

I like your style, but some of these lyrics straight up don't make sense. I think you have talent, but you need to sharpen your focus. Study some of your favorite rappers and look at how they're formulating metaphors/similes and rhyme patterns. I'd be happy to help you write some killer verses. Check out my page and see if you're interested. If you want to have the best verse out of your friends every single time, you need to check it out. a href="http://fiverr.com/users/kgilmore465/gigs/write-a-guaranteed-dope-32-bar-rap-verse-in-any-rap-style" rel="nofollow"http://fiverr.com/users/kgilmore465/gigs…/a Good luck and keep writing.